My Second Wedding

Okay, today, I am going to be a total brat, but I feel the need to get this off my chest, so I hope you'll forgive me. In a few months, G and I are getting married. As a divorced woman, this will be my second wedding... but does that really make it any less important? Not to me it doesn't. If anything, it makes it MORE important, because THIS is the wedding that will really count and that will really mean something to me twenty years from now.

I realize now just how badly I screwed up when I married the first guy. But that wedding got all the attention and money thrown at it. And don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful wedding. We had the church, the huge reception with a buffet and a big cake and a tent and open bar and dancing, etc. But did it make the marriage any better? Not one bit. It made me happy, sure. But did the man make me happy? Nope.

What I hate is that by having such a big deal wedding the first time, no one really seems to care much about the fact that I'm getting married this time. One friend sent us a congratulations you're engaged card, and for that I'm eternally touched. But no one else has really acknowledged it other than to just say congrats or whatever. No cards. No talk of honoring us in any way. And it isn't as if we've taken this so fast that no one has had any time to think about it, either. We've been engaged now for like 15 months!

Yes, I know I'm being a brat because who gets upset that no one has sent them a congratulations card?? Well, probably a lot of fucking people, but no one is bad enough to blog about it. I know it's petty and silly to get upset about this stuff, but I am hoping that getting it off my chest will help me shut up and get over it.

The irony of it all is that the man I'm marrying would hate it if we had a big wedding and got tons of attention. He wants things to be lowkey and all about the two of us. In some ways, that's what I want too. I don't want to do another big church wedding and all the hoop-lah. I just feel like everytime I try to talk about it with family or friends, it's just no big deal to them. Is it because it's my second wedding? I guess so. Or maybe it's because we're getting married in Vegas. But I remember when a friend of mine had her second wedding... people threw her bridal showers and everything the same as if it was her first. I don't need a bunch of showers or presents or anything like that, but I guess it still bothers me that no one cares to offer or think of it. At this point, I'm seriously doubting the likelihood of even getting wedding presents from any of our parents. And as cheesy as it sounds, it isn't what the presents are that matters, it's truly the thought that counts.

Omg, I know I must sound like a total whiny bitch right now, but I'm just being brutally honest. Just one offer of some kind of something to honor us as a couple or one card to congratulate us from family or something in the past year and three months would have been nice. It just really starts to make me angry with myself for marrying that other asshole and stealing some of the joy of this engagement. In the end, it's the marriage that matters, not the parties or the cards or the presents, and in that respect, I'm the luckiest, happiest woman in the world. I know that this time I've got it right and that I'm marrying a man who truly loves me and who I love with all that I am. I just wish the people in our lives were as excited about this union as I am...

Okay, bratfest/bitchfest over. As you were.