Out of Reality TV, Back to Reality

Now that all of my reality tv shows are over (except So You Think You Can Dance, but that isn't one of my primary loves, haha), it's time to get back to reality. And reality is that time flies by way too fast, so if you don't make the most out of every day, life is going to start passing you by.

Okay, so it's almost impossible to make the most of every single day. Some days we all feel like crap and there's just no getting over it. But hopefully there are days where we also feel amazing and get twice as much done. With any luck, they all balance each other out in the end.

Motivation is a constant theme in my life. How to be motivated, how to work hard, and most importantly, how to STAY motivated. I am the queen of finding late-night motivation and telling myself that tomorrow I will start working harder towards my goals. But when tomorrow comes, I might make it one day with good results. But one day does not get me to any of my goals. I need straight months of nonstop motivated action. But how the hell do I do that? It sounds like it should be easy, but it isn't. Not at all.

What it seems to come down to is this: How badly do I want it? That seems like it should be the number one question in my mind when it comes to goals and motivation. If I wanted to lose weight badly enough, the motivation would be there every day. Somehow, though, it doesn't work that way either. There's something in my head that says to me, "You're not good enough. You can't do it. There is no point in trying to change." Or something along those lines... and I just want to quit. It's that voice that holds me back. It is me, and yet it is not me at all. I don't know how to separate myself from that voice. Drown it out. Kill it.

If my life, I can only hope that the days where my goals win out over the voices of self-destruction are more plentiful than the other days of self-doubt. I feel ridiculous to be fighting this battle at 32, yet here I am. Surely, I am stronger than this?? Surely I am capable of more. I wish I could prove that to myself.