The Sweetie Chronicles

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

Body Language

So I have been watching streaming video from ON AIR with Ryan Seacrest, where they play random videos, old and new. Ciara and Missy Eliot's "One, Two Step" just came on and it's the first time I've ever seen that video, even though I've heard the song a ton. Something about Ciara just mesmerized me. Sure, she's gorgeous, but it is more than that. She just has a presence on screen. She seems incredibly comfortable with her own body, and I can't help but wonder how that happens.

I have known beautiful women before who are just not comfortable in their own skin, and that little hesitation holds them back from being truly amazing beauties. Ciara in that video doesn't just move like a dancer, she moves like she doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks about her. Or maybe even a step further. She moves like she knows without a doubt that everyone will like her, even if her moves are risky and a bit different. I wonder if she has just grown up with people always admiring her and she just grew to believe it 100%, or did it have more to do with how her parents raised her?

I had a bit of a mixed confidence growing up. I actually had a group of girls come up to me in fourth grade and say "You aren't pretty enough to be our friend." I am not kidding about this. They approached me in a herd, with M, the most popular girl in my class, right in front. No one really talked to me or included me in anything for a month or more after that. It was not a pleasant experience, and that moment dealt a terrible blow to my self-confidence. (I would be willing to wage money that Ciara never had that happen to her.) On the other hand, I also had amazing luck meeting boys when I went out of town. Summer camp, family vacations, choir or band trips, I always attracted boys easily and flirted with confidence.

As an adult, I have moments of both extreme confidence and pitiful self-doubt. Being overweight at this point in my life doesn't help either. Is it possible at the age of 31 (almost) to find a confidence that you've never had before? If I lose 50 lbs, will I magically be confident in my body, which then will lead to confidence in all aspects of myself? With my luck, by the time I cultivate that kind of confidence, I will be so old that my body won't work as well anymore. If only there was a magic solution to confidence issues. I have a sinking suspicion that it has more to do with my own personal attitude than it will ever have to do with how I look or how much I weigh. I can't decide if that's good news or bad...

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Sarra Cannon

Young Adult Indie Author

I always secretly wanted to be a cheerleader. And a witch. Now, I write about both. The first five novels in my Peachville High Demons Young Adult Paranormal series are available now in ebook!

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