Routine

I have never really been a person who sticks to routine very well. Sure, I think that I crave routine, as most people do. I am constantly trying to put together schedules and color-coded versions of my calendars. I always think that a daily schedule filled with routine is the answer to all of my shortcomings. Maybe that is true, but I still find it hard to actually follow and stick to a routine.

Just when I'd gotten into the habit of a Jazzercise morning with writing to follow, I went home for five days and now it's all gone to crap. Most people probably would have gone straight back into their routines without missing a beat, but I just couldn't do it. I felt so tired after a day of driving. And, honestly, after five days with my family, which turned out to be nonstop. I have also had a bit of a stomach ache and a headache, which isn't exactly making me want to get up and go.

I guess my question to myself this morning is: Why do I resist routine? It should be a comfort to me and a road to great achievement, consistency and productivity. There really isn't a single thing that's bad about routine. Maybe it can get boring sometimes, but as long as you're getting things done, it should still be a great idea overall. So why do I resist? I love Jazzercise, but I haven't gone the past two days, and I am honestly just thinking it would be better to get back into it on Monday when I can start a fresh week. I have no real answer to why I resist. Maybe it's because deep down I am scared of what will happen if I follow routines and do every little thing I know that I should do in order to be successful. What if I do all those things and am consistent and everything... but I'm still not successful? Or I still haven't achieved those things I planned to achieve?

Maybe that's the real fear. If I follow routine, then I lose the excuse to be less than amazing. If I gain weight, I can always say "well, I didn't go to work out for 2 weeks, so i really just need to get back on my routine." Not following my routine allows me that explanation and excuse. There is a degree of comfort to be found in those excuses. I mean, if I honestly woke up tomorrow and followed every little instruction on my schedule and accomplished everything I wanted to get done for the day... and then repeated that process for months... what would my excuse be for not publishing a novel or being incredibly thin and gorgeous?

Of course, on the other hand, maybe if I did all those things, I wouldn't need an excuse because I'd actually BE thin and have a novel that was published.