Anticipation

Have you ever noticed that sometimes anticipation only leads to disappointment? There are just these moments in our lives that are impossible to recreate, you know? But when a similar opportunity comes around, we anticipate that it could be just as wonderful as the last time. That excitement and preparation, however, sometimes kills it or adds too much anxiety to make it joyful.

I have noticed this with vacations before, for example. I remember the very first time my family went to Panama City Beach. I was in fifth grade and Mom picked us all up early from school on a Friday so we could drive down to Florida. When we got there, I saw the most gorgeous white sand beaches I'd ever seen. The waves were perfect and I played in the tide for what seemed like hours before we retired to our hotel room or went out to dinner. That trip was pure magic. I remember a fun waterfall at the hotels' pool and finding great shells on the beach. I remember family fun and great dinners. It was fantastic. I have been to Panama City Beach at least 10 more times (probably more), but it has never been as amazing as that very first time. In fact, I have no desire to even go there at all any more. Recapturing that fun weekend of my childhood proved to be impossible, no matter how often I went back.

Which isn't to say it was never fun again. It was. I remember one church youth trip in particular that was awesome. I also remember my senior trip when my sister went with me to buy booze :P. That was great. It was just... different. The same thing is true of so many events and places in my life. Very rarely have I done something a second time, only to have MORE fun than I had the last time. Maybe part of the problem is that feeling of wanting it to be the same. The idea that it CAN be the same. Being so anxious to feel that same magic you felt last time that you completely forget to enjoy the moment. Self-sabotage, in a way.

As trivial as it sounds, I think this EQ2 expansion is similar. I've been looking forward to it for the new content, but even more than that, I've been desperately hoping we could make a lot of money in this expansion. When the Ruins of Kunark expansion first came out, I made a Killing off crafting. That was a couple of years ago, but man, it was sweet. The money just kept rolling in and every time I turned around, there was more to be made. I was hoping to replicate that this time around, but I'm realizing, after twenty-four hours, that it's virtually impossible. It's a different server, for one, with different needs. It's also a different economy - which believe it or not, does affect the game world too. I feel pressure to make money in order to justify my excitement.

I think that in this, as well as all times when I want so badly to recreate a feeling that is long passed, I need to just realize that having that same experience twice just isn't possible. I need to enjoy the new times for what they are - new. Different. Learning to let go of the past - whether you're talking about something as seemingly trivial as a video game or as important as a relationship or a life-changing event - so that you can truly enjoy the present and get the most out of today, is one of life's most difficult (but most important) lessons.