Lately G and I have been taking online surveys for cash. Palm Research offers daily surveys that pay at least $1.00, and while I don't always qualify, we've managed to make over $15.00 as a couple in just the past week. Now, before you laugh and say that fifteen bucks is only a small amount of money, just think about the fact that it only takes a few minutes a day and sometimes the surveys can even be interesting. (Be sure to sign up via the link above if you're interested in doing some too.)
Plus, if there's one thing I've learned over the past few years, it's that small amounts add up quickly. Much more quickly than you realize unless you're keeping track. $1.00 here and there can be the difference between having money to go to dinner or put into savings and not. (And it works the other way too. Spending $1.00 here or there on a soda or a small trinket can have you asking where your paycheck went.) Consider that $15.00 in a week means almost $60 in a month. And we could all use an extra $60 this month couldn't we?
The other fun thing for me about taking these surveys is that they seem to always have a little box at the beginning where they ask your age. Instead of making you type it out, they usually have a set of boxes with a range of numbers and ask you to check off the box your age fits into. I just like the fact that I'm still in the 25-34 box. Thinking of being grouped with the 25 year olds makes me happy. Of course, it's going to work the opposite way when I'm in the 35-44 box, isn't it? Ouch. I just don't want to think about that right now. For now, I"ll enjoy my little bit of money earned and the fact that I'm still one of the young folks.
Online Surveys for Cash
Zombie Dreams
It has begun. I've started dreaming about zombies now. It's no wonder since NaNo WriMo starts this weekend. I'll be starting a story that I have wanted to write for some time now. Pandemic is my title for now, and it's about a flu pandemic that gets out of hand. When a vaccine is made, everyone at the heroine's school is forced to get it in order to keep the rest of the teenagers safe from it. It backfires, of course, and when people start dying from the flu, it's the vaccine in their system that reanimates them. Then Boom! The Living Dead!
There's going to be a lot more to the story than that, but that's the bare bones of it. I'm so excited about writing it, but the thought of having to endure zombie dreams from now until December? Frightening!
Fair Is a Four-Letter Word
When we are in Kindergarten, we are taught that the world is fair. "Share your toys. Be fair." As we get older, however, we begin to realize that fair isn't really a factor in the adult world. No one really cares about being "fair". It's a foreign concept. It's a four-letter word, even. A curse.
Fair? You want things to be FAIR? Who the FAIR do you think you are?
When my mother was transferred out of the instructional technology coordinator position and forced to return to the classroom this year in her public school job, it wasn't fair. Two coordinators ended up staying in their old jobs even though my mother is the one who has had that position longest and has really always done an excellent job. She's one of those above and beyond kind of teachers. It's not fair. Do you think anyone gives a shit? Not anyone who could change it, that's for sure.
There's a contestant on The Biggest Loser this season named Abby. She has me in tears almost every episode. Why? Because just weeks after she gave birth to her baby son, her husband, baby, and five year old daughter were all killed in a car accident. A drunk driver I believe. I don't think they said, but what do you want to bet that drunk driver fucking lived? And this poor woman lost her entire family in one horrible instant. Is that in any way fair? Not even half a drop.
And what about the guy who raped at least two women over the past ten years? Well, two that came forward over the course of five years, anyway. Probably a dozen more who were too scared to tell or who had no one they could turn to. He went to prison to serve an 8 year sentence. The "fairness" of him only getting an 8 year sentence is debatable in itself. But what about the fact that he's getting to go free three years early for "good behavior"? Seriously? Sure, he's had good behavior! There haven't been any women in his male prison that he could rape! It isn't fair.
But not matter what they teach us in Kindergarten, Life isn't FAIR. That doesn't mean we shouldn't still try to treat people with fairness and try to do the right thing. But it does mean that sometimes we are going to have to learn to let things go instead of holding onto them saying, "It's not fair." Just saying those words makes it hurt more. The injustice of it. The heart-wrenching unfairness of it. Sometimes we just have to say, it may not be fair, but I'm not going to let it destroy me. I'm going to stand up and move on. I'm going to be okay.
Great Diet Site!
I recently stumbled upon a great diet site that has so many helpful tips. You can find this site at http://diettogo.com As you all know, I am trying to lose weight, and the first article I read on the site was called "5 Ways to Keep Pounds Falling Like Leaves". So much of what the author wrote really spoke to me. She talks about how it's important to realize that significant weight loss can't happen overnight. How true!
So what were her five ways? Eat right (lots of fiber!), Eat smaller portions, Exercise, Visualize yourself thinner, and read self-help books and articles that keep you focused on your goals. I love that she doesn't claim there's some miracle cure out there. We all know that doesn't exist! It's all about being good to our bodies and staying active. I have recently added Jazzercise back to my routine, and I can definitely tell a difference in the way I feel AND the way I look. I need to work on the visualize part to try to keep my self-confidence up and stay focused. Also, the eating part gets me every time. What can I say? I love chocolate cake!
Anyway, this is an awesome blog, and I recommend you all go there and check it out if you are wanting to lose weight or are planning to go on a diet. You'll find some good advise there.
Computer Troubles
To my horror, last night while I was playing Everquest2, both of my monitors just went all crazy colored. I have no idea what is wrong with my computer, but it was completely frozen and the images on the screen were barely visible beyond the colors. I turned it off, waited, then rebooted, praying it would be okay. More crazy colors.
G worked on it most of the evening, trying to get it to work, but I am scared to try to plug it back in today. Right now, I have my laptop hooked up to my keyboard, mouse, and a second monitor, and that works okay. But my laptop is somewhat limited in what it can do as well. It can't really handle much gaming. Of course, that wouldn't matter too much except for the fact that we are relying on gaming to make extra money for the wedding right now.
My sad CPU is sitting in the bedroom right now. I'm going to plug it in here in the office later this morning, but for now, I'm scared. WHat if it's toast? We can't afford to put the money into it right now. Isn't this always the way it is? When you're working hard to save for something you want to do or have, something you need breaks down and ruins the fun. My car is making strange sounds. Now my computer. Are we going to be able to afford our wedding? I can't even think about it. I'm going to try to stay positive, but I need some good things to happen today.
59 days
As our wedding count-down ticks over to 59, I find myself a little bit freaking out. Not over the marriage itself. I know without a doubt that I've got the perfect groom (and husband) for me. I just want to make Vegas the very best wedding and honeymoon that it can be.
So what am I freaking out over? Two things. Money. And Weight Loss. Making a lot of extra money is not easy, and even though I'm looking around for ways to make more money on the side, it's difficult and somewhat tedious. As for the weight loss, I'm going to Jazzercise four times a week, but that's just not enough. I've cut down on calorie intake, but I think both exercise and diet need to be ramped up a little bit if I'm going to lose the weight I wanted to lose with only 59 days left. Yikes.
At least my book is out the door and out of my hands. That's one giant hurdle overcome, and now it's just a waiting game. And who knows? 59 days until the wedding gives the editor 59 days to read my manuscript and call me to offer a fabulous contract :P Wouldn't that be a dream come true?
Wedding Invitations
Yesterday, I hit the jackpot when it comes to invitations. Since we're not doing a traditional wedding, we didn't want to spend too much on invitations or announcements. But at the same time, I want to let people know the name of the chapel and the online address so they can watch the ceremony online. Having invitations printed from an online boutique or even a discount shop means spending at least $60 on 50 invitations. Since we need at least 60, basically I have to order 100,. which was going to mean spending well over $100. Yes, I know some brides spend $500 or more on their invitations, but again, we're not working with a traditional wedding or a traditional wedding budget here.
So yesterday, I went shopping. The plan was to head to Michael's craft store and see if I could find some print your own invitations for a decent price. Before I went that way, however, I stopped by this relatively new discount store that opened near us called Ollie's. I noticed last time I was there that they had packs of 100 print your own, but they were kind of cheesy, with linked wedding bands and thin cards. But I thought, why not check it out? And now I am so happy that I did.
I got two boxes of very pretty invitations that have a vellum overlay and a ribbon accent on top of a black and white floral design for only $4.99 each. Yes, seriously! Only $5 for these invitations. It took me some time to get the printing to fit on the page exactly the way I want, and I spent a little extra buying some red accents to make them look more christmasy, but I am so excited I was able to save so much money. It was truly a happy find.
Finished: Take Two!
It's real this time. No more harsh critiques to stop me in my tracks. Just my full manuscript in an envelope, nicely printed out along with a query letter and synopsis. Today, it will go out to New York, priority mail. Then, it's out of my hands for a while.
It could be six days or six months before I hear back from them. How scary is that? Let me tell you: It's terrifying! The most I can do is pray that it's a quick turn-around with a happy result. And in the meantime, write the next book!
Zombies come next, which is a far cry from romance on Sea Island, but it should be even more fun to write. It's a new phase of my writing life that begins today. I can write with confidence, knowing that no matter what, I am capable of finishing a novel. I can actually do it. And the more I write, the better chance I have of being published someday. Let's hope it's someday soon!
Constructive Criticism
Being able to handle criticism is not an easy thing to learn. You would think that after more than 14 years of it, I would be used to it by now. And maybe back in the day when I was at Vandy, I was better at it. I can't say for sure because 10 years ago doesn't come back with that kind of emotional clarity. (At least not when it comes to criticism.) I remember being told that I was terrible as a singer, and I remember having people say things in critique like "If I sang that song, I would do such a better job." Hurtful comments that honestly were anything but constructive.
The most hurtful criticism came when I was in New York one spring during graduate school with a fellow soprano who had some serious chops. Our teacher looked at us one day and said, "If only I could have R's voice with S's passion, then I might have a singer who could make it in this business." Me being S of course. That hurt so bad. It's the kind of comment that sticks with you ten years later and still feels fresh and painful.
So how do you learn to live with criticism when you're heading into a career that will be filled with it? And, let me note, not everyone follows the constructive criticism rules. Some people will just criticize and even get downright ugly without offering a single piece of constructive criticism. It's painful. It's salt-on-a-cut kind of pain, sometimes. And other times, it's rip-your-heart-out-and-feed-it-to-the-bears kind of agony. "Develop a thick-skin" some will tell you, as if anyone really knows what that is or how to suddenly grow one. Is there a special thick-skin lotion I can apply nightly to achieve the desire results? I doubt it.
I think the natural response is to want to lash out. To explain yourself and justify your work or your ideas. But what good does that really do? Are you going to change someone's mind about their own opinion? Probably not. In the end, you'll just end up looking desperate and bitter. So, for now, I'm simply working on trying to be zen-like in my ability to 'let it go' and not retaliate with harsh words aimed to pierce back at the source of the wound. Maybe someday I will master that ability and be able to move on to phase 2: don't let it hurt in the first place.
Revisions
The ending stages of getting a novel out are much more tedious than I expected. Once the book is finished (all three drafts or however many it took), there's still the query letter and the synopsis. Not to mention figuring out the packaging itself.
A synopsis is basically a 3-5 page summary of your entire novel, but it's not that easy. It's also got to show your "voice" as a writer and make the editor or agent reading it hunger for more. Until you've tried to do it, you have no idea how hard it is to shorten a novel down to just a couple of pages. It's torture. On top of that, there's also the query letter, which has to include an even shorter synopsis. We're talking two tiny paragraphs. 10 sentences tops. More torture, because you're scared the entire time that the editor might just toss the whole thing to the side without even reading the amazing manuscript simply because your short "blurb" in the query letter is enough of "a great hook."
During the torture of trying to write these other things, one of my critique partners decides to go out of her way to proofread and polish my manuscript. Great, right? Yes, of course. Any extra polish is helpful, because after looking at the same 180 pages for weeks, even months now, a fresh pair of eyes can catch things I didn't see. Well, apparently her eyes are catching a lot of things. While her early emails about the first few chapters were encouraging, the latest one basically said that if I send this book out as is, I'll be shooting myself in the foot and ultimately wasting my first and best chance at getting published. Wow. That was hard to take. Actually, as much as I want to say I have a thick skin and can take the criticism, it still hurts 10 hours later.
It just makes me feel so defeated. I think about my manuscript and I start to think "I can't fix anything else. I'm done." I've been working on this book for more than 8 months now. The revisions have been endless, but I've done them because I knew the book wasn't good enough. But this time, I already had the entire thing printed out and ready to send when I started getting her notes. I was ready. Mentally, I'm exhausted.
But I don't want to waste this opportunity, either. Here's the question that has no answer: When do you know a manuscript is good enough to send in? There's no answer to that question, but it's the most important question in the world right now. How do you know when it's time to stop revising and changing and just take the chance? I sat down with a Desire last night before bed and read about the first 50 pages. There were long, fragments of sentences, hyperbole, all that in there. Does that mean I should have it too? Maybe not, but it also might mean that it's not as big a deal as my critique partner believes. The one thing I did notice, however, is that the author used a lot of different and creative ways to describe the character's emotions, particularly their sexual attraction. I can see going through my book to vary those things a little. That might even be fun. But changing the story again at this point? Trying to make every sentence perfect in structure? I don't know.
I'm going to spend the whole day on this and do my best to keep a good attitude. I was so ready to be done with this...
Writing My Synopsis
Writing a synopsis is not as easy as it sounds. It's so difficult to summarize the important elements of my 170 page novel into only 3 pages! Unfortunately, it's a necessary part of my submission package, so I have no choice. The novel can't go out until the synopsis is written.
I think one of the main things that makes it difficult to write is that I love my book for all the little things. All those magical little moments that come together to make my story special and different, sure. But I also love all the pages in between. I cherish every word, every scene, every single conversation. Boiling that down to the very bare bones is hard, dammit!
What I need to do today is really think about the most important parts of this book. What is it that keeps the hero and heroine apart? Not just externally, but internally as well. What walls do they have to break through and what past do they still cling to and need to overcome in order to truly accept love into their hearts? Then, rather than give a scene by scene run down of the book, I can pick out only the main parts that show those conflicts and struggles.
Today, this is my main task. I know I can do it. Once this is finished, I should be ready to send this out, once and for all, to NY.
Final Polish
I can't believe the time has actually come to do a final read-through of my manuscript. It has almost taken me this entire year to get this story down on paper, and as novels go, it's very short... a mere 49,000 words. But I'm proud of every single word, because it came from a place of creativity inside of myself that I always knew I had but never before had the courage to explore.
Writing a romance novel, specifically for Harlequin, has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I think the very first one that I read was given to me in 7th grade by a girl named Shameka McGriff, and it had the cover torn off so that teachers and parents couldn't tell what it was. I think it must have been a Harlequin Presents, and man was it sexy. I still remember what that book was about, even if I've long forgotten the name or the author. It was my first adult romance and I was hooked.
For years, I used to browse book stores for books about writing and daydream about the plots of the many books I'd love to write, but for some stupid reason, I never actually sat down to write one. I guess it was fear that kept me away. But not this year. This year, I sat down and wrote an entire romance novel from start to finish. And yesterday, I finished the second draft. It's so close now I can taste it. No matter what happens when this manuscript gets to NY, this moment is something I will always remember, and writing this novel is something I can always be proud of.
It's Amazing
Yesterday I was listening to iTunes on random when a song from the Sex and the City Movie soundtrack came on. I know I must have heard this song a thousand times, but for some reason the words never really clicked with me until yesterday. It won't let me embed the video from youtube, but here is the link, the song is called "It's Amazing".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XDxhDbtDak
Here are the basics of the lyrics. It will be obvious why they mean so much to me:
You know who you are
You feel it in your heart
And you're burning and wishing
And first wait, it won't be on a plate
You're gonna have to work for it harder and harder.
(Chorus) And I know, cause I've been there before
Knockin' on your door with rejection
And you'll see cause if it's meant to be
Nothing can compare to deserving your dream
It's amazing, It's amazing, all that you can do.
It's amazing, it makes me heart sing,
Now it's up to you.
Patience now, frustration in the air
And people who don't care,
Well it's gonna get you down
And you'll fall
Yes you will hit a wall
Get back up on your feet
And you'll be stronger and smarter.
And I know, cause I've been there before... (repeats chorus from above)
Zombies
The number one movie in America right now is about zombies. I haven't seen it yet, but "Zombieland", starring Woody Harrelson is supposed to be extremely funny. Considering that my next book is going to be about zombies, I have been devouring everything I can get my hands on that has to do with zombies, so I probably will eventually get out to see the movie as well. (Only thing stopping me now is the stupid $10 a ticket when we're trying to save money for the wedding in 73 days!)
I recently finished the book "Dead Sea" by Brian Keene. It wasn't the best book I ever read, but it was decent. I certainly wouldn't call him "The next Stephen King" based on the merit of this book, but it was at least good enough that I read all the way through it. It's basically about a virus that kills people, then turns them into zombies that raise from the dead and hunger for flesh. Typical zombies really. But the story is about a black gay man living in Baltimore who is forced from his home (along with everyone who was hiding out from the zombie plague) because of fires. He smartly heads toward the harbor to find a ship, figuring that the sea is the only safe place left. It's a good premise for sure. I'd like to pick up some of his other zombie books in the future.
Now, however, I'm double reading in a way. I am reading through Carrie Ryan's young adult zombie book, "The Forest of Hands and Teeth," and as much as I enjoyed meeting Carrie Ryan and as much as I want to like her book, it's tedious. The tone of the book is so morose. Everything seems drab and dreary, with little hope that it will change. I'm about half way through, and taking a break to read the rest. Instead, I've picked up Max Brooks' "World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War", and fuck it's amazing. I'm not even half-way through it yet and I'm totally hooked. It's basically told as though it were really a true oral history of a real war. As if the dead really have reanimated and we have been fighting a war with them for the past 20 years. Each little snippet of a chapter is a new oral account of what happened in a certain region. Like one doctor from China tells his story. Then a soldier from somewhere, etc. And gradually the entire history of the war is being put together through these accounts of people from all over the world. It's genius really.
I've also been watching zombie movies on netflix. "Night of the Living Dead", "Dance of the Dead", "Resident Evil: Extinction", "Shawn of the Dead", "Dawn of the Dead" etc. Mostly, I'm just gathering ideads, trying to figure out just where my own zombie story is going to take me. The possibilities are endless, and I'm excited to get started November 1 for NANO WRIMO (National Novel Writing Month). My goal is 60,000 words in one month, so for October I have to get my Desire novel in the mail and get my plot and characters figured out for the zombie book. Which, by the way, I"m calling "Pandemic".
Know any great zombie books or movies? Pass it along in comments and let me know!
Bad Start
Some weeks just get off to a bad start. And once you're off routine, it's hard to get back on it.
This week appears to be one of those weeks for me. I woke up about 6 am yesterday morning with a terrible back-ache that didn't really start feeling better until last night. As a result, my routine was totally screwed up yesterday. Then, G had a review session until 8:30 pm last night, so we didn't eat dinner until late. Rather than cooking something light, stupid me made spaghetti. Well, that pasta sat in my stomach like a bunch of rocks all night long and I just could not get to sleep.
Sometime around 3 am, I looked at the clock and just wanted to cry. I finally feel asleep sometime after that, but all in all, it wasn't a good night. I still have a stomach ache and now I'm exhausted. I'm beginning to wonder if this week is just going to be a mess.
Once you're so far off your routine like this and not feeling good, how do you force yourself back on it? There are some things that will naturally force me back into the routine, like voice lessons I can't cancel and other things where people are counting on me to be somewhere, but with my current career, there aren't that many times like that on my schedule. For the most part, it's all about my own determination to get something done at a certain time. I guess I just have to write out a set schedule and make myself stick to it, then hope that I can finally get a good night's sleep tonight.
Dangerous Curves by Karen Anders
Shameless plug here for my critique partner's new book! "Dangerous Curves" hit shelves October 1st and is book 2 of Karen Anders' Undercover Lovers series for Harlequin Blaze. Set in Hawaii, FBI agent Max Carpenter is assigned to protect the irresistible DEA agent Rio Marshall. Mostly, he's supposed to keep her out of trouble and out of the way. Their undeniable attraction, however, leads to plenty of trouble as the two can't keep their hands off each other. Here's the blurb from the back of the book:
FBI Agent Max Carpenter is assigned to protect irresistible DEA agent Rio Marshall. Babysitting duty. But for this mission, they'll be whisked away to Hawaii - for security purposes, of course - for sun, sand and plenty of hot, sweet sex...It's a great book. Very sexy, full of action and edge-of-your-seat thrills as the couple is chased through Hawaii by a very dangerous man that wants them dead. It was an honor to be one of the first people to get to read this book and help Karen revise it, and I was amazed to learn that she actually dedicated this book to me and Jennifer (the third in our critique group). It's highly recommended if you like sexy romances with a great plot and some action/adventure.
What Max doesn't know is that Rio has been assigned a task of her own. A task that will require using every asset in her considerable arsenal.
However, when a real threat occurs, seduction is put on the back burner. But nothing - not even fear for their lives - can keep this scorching duo apart for long.
Dreams from Not Writing
For the past couple of weeks, G and I have both been having what feels like nonstop dreams at night. We both wake up every morning still tired, our brains filled with images from our dreams or nightmares. They are vivid and real and never ending.
G has a theory that we dream as a couple because of the strength of the ideas in my head. As if I have such a strong need to write that if I don't start getting a story/novel written, we will continue to dream uncontrollably from the energy stored inside of me. I have to admit, it's certainly curious that we seem to only dream on the same nights and we both wakeup feeling the same way about dreams. There's never a day where G dreams a lot and sleeps like shit and I wake up refreshed and dreamless.
Is it possible that some kind of energy exists between us as we sleep? Is it possible that my vivid dreams cause him to dream as well? Or is it coincidence? When I'm actively writing something new again, will the dreams go away? Right now I am finishing revisions on my Silhouette Desire, but thoughts of my Young Adult novel, Pandemic, are going through my head all day long. However, I haven't had a chance to really write any part of Pandemic down because I'm working on old material, trying to get it ready to send out. Is it possible that my imagination is so full of energy and ideas right now that I am causing us to have crazy dreams simply because I'm not emptying my ideas into a novel? Something to think about.
Wedding Money
Wouldn't it be sweet to not ever worry about money? Wouldn't it be so refreshing to just have enough that you never really had to think about how to pay for the things you needed or wanted? It's so easy to imagine it, but so hard to make it a reality. October has finally arrived and G and I are only 79 days away from our wedding day. It's exciting, but scary at the same time. With the bad news this week about my music job plus the fact that I won't get paid for the whole month I worked in September, we are way behind on raising money for the wedding.
So what can I try now? How can I make at least another $1000 before December 19? I could hardly sleep last night, because I was trying to run new ideas through my brain, frantically searching for an answer. I might be able to pick up some new voice and piano students that are looking for a teacher now that the academy has gone belly up. We are working together as a couple to try to make more money through the game Everquest 2. (It seems fitting that the game should come through for us because that's where we met!)
But what other things can I do? I am going to try making a few other blogs and trying to make some money using google adsense. Last night, I made a new blog about Black Friday deals. I imagine a lot of people do online research to find the best deals on the day after Thanksgiving shopping. There are no guarantees with blogging though. I should have at least another $100 from adsense just with the things I already have set up, but wouldn't it be amazing to make $300 or more by December? Yes it would.
Of course, getting my novel to New York could be a huge source of money for us, so that is always a priority. I know it's close to being finished, but the last couple of days have been rough after the news of the academy. I need to get my focus back and get that manuscript finished. The odds of hearing anything back from Silhouette before the wedding are slim, but not none, so that's something I need to do as soon as possible.
I can list some of the clipboards and wooden letters I made/painted on ebay or etsy and try to sell there. We could try again at the flea market in November, but this time with different products, like maybe custom tree skirts for christmas? ALso, there are several places online where people pay two to four dollars for short articles. MyLot and Mechanical Turk are just two of them that come to mind. Substitute teaching or a temp job would be a good source of income. Even though the public schools are still on a hiring freeze, I could possibly find a substitute job at one of the local private schools.
If anyone else has some ideas of how to make some money between now and December, let me know! I'm willing to try almost anything (except porn, ha!). I'm trying to avoid having to get a job like waiting tables, especially since I already applied so many places and didn't get a job this past summer. A seasonal job at the mall or somewhere is a possibility, but they are going to be adamant about wanting someone to work closer to Christmas and I just don't want to lie and say I will, then quit to head to the wedding and to Georgia for the holidays. But I'm open to ideas and I will try whatever I can to make this wedding fun and memorable and stress free once we get there!
