Fair Is a Four-Letter Word

When we are in Kindergarten, we are taught that the world is fair. "Share your toys. Be fair." As we get older, however, we begin to realize that fair isn't really a factor in the adult world. No one really cares about being "fair". It's a foreign concept. It's a four-letter word, even. A curse.

Fair? You want things to be FAIR? Who the FAIR do you think you are?

When my mother was transferred out of the instructional technology coordinator position and forced to return to the classroom this year in her public school job, it wasn't fair. Two coordinators ended up staying in their old jobs even though my mother is the one who has had that position longest and has really always done an excellent job. She's one of those above and beyond kind of teachers. It's not fair. Do you think anyone gives a shit? Not anyone who could change it, that's for sure.

There's a contestant on The Biggest Loser this season named Abby. She has me in tears almost every episode. Why? Because just weeks after she gave birth to her baby son, her husband, baby, and five year old daughter were all killed in a car accident. A drunk driver I believe. I don't think they said, but what do you want to bet that drunk driver fucking lived? And this poor woman lost her entire family in one horrible instant. Is that in any way fair? Not even half a drop.

And what about the guy who raped at least two women over the past ten years? Well, two that came forward over the course of five years, anyway. Probably a dozen more who were too scared to tell or who had no one they could turn to. He went to prison to serve an 8 year sentence. The "fairness" of him only getting an 8 year sentence is debatable in itself. But what about the fact that he's getting to go free three years early for "good behavior"? Seriously? Sure, he's had good behavior! There haven't been any women in his male prison that he could rape! It isn't fair.

But not matter what they teach us in Kindergarten, Life isn't FAIR. That doesn't mean we shouldn't still try to treat people with fairness and try to do the right thing. But it does mean that sometimes we are going to have to learn to let things go instead of holding onto them saying, "It's not fair." Just saying those words makes it hurt more. The injustice of it. The heart-wrenching unfairness of it. Sometimes we just have to say, it may not be fair, but I'm not going to let it destroy me. I'm going to stand up and move on. I'm going to be okay.