Teenager Decapitated at Six Flags

I'm not even sure that I could count how many times I've been to Six Flags over Georgia. The first time I went was with my sister's band group. I forget how I got lucky enough to go on that trip. My mother must have gone as a chaperon. I can definitely tell you that I remember how exhilarating it was that first time. The Wheelie was the first ride I ever rode, and it was terrifying yet exciting at the same time. I was hooked.

I went back many many times over the years. Band trips. Chorus trips. Family trips. Trips with friends. I went to other Six Flags parks as well. Kentucky Kingdom and one in or near St. Louis I think. Maybe one other, but I can't remember for sure. I love Six Flags. Sure, I haven't been in years, but I think that's because the older I get, the more roller coasters and such start to make me a bit nauseated, whether I like it or not.

My memories of Six Flags are almost all of happiness and fun times with my friends. Unfortunately, last weekend, Six Flags became a trip filled with regret, fear, sadness, confusion, and mourning. A teenage boy who was on a trip with his church was decapitated after he climbed two fences to gain access to a restricted part of the park, underneath the Batman ride.

Why the hell was he down there to begin with? The stories I read all said that no one was sure why he wanted to get down there. My guess was that maybe he had just gotten off the ride and dropped his hat or something and was hoping to retrieve it. Maybe he was just trying to do something he thought was funny... breaking the rules can be so amusing when you're a teenager. Whatever he was doing, he paid a very high price for it.

I cannot imagine what his parents and church leaders and friends are feeling or thinking right now. How stupid! I bet that's what some people are thinking. He probably wasn't a stupid person, but that was a very stupid action. When you see signs that say DANGER and DO NOT ENTER in a place like that, you just don't enter. And how did he not see the ride coming closer to him? It's not like it scrapes against the ground. People's feet actually hang off the end. Surely he would have heard it coming closer to him and he could have laid down quickly or jumped out of the way. Did he want to die?

Maybe we will never know. All I can do this morning is say a little prayer for his family and friends who are grieving. What a terrible and sad thing.

Ramblings

Well, last night's dreams were pretty intense. Sometime around 6:30 this morning, I had a very vivid dream about a tornado. The scene was very "down on the farm" with cornfields and a barn. G and I were there and were heading out on a date, of course not realizing at first that the weather was bad. As we walked towards his car, the wind picked up and the sky darkened. G casually made a comment about it being "tornado weather" when I looked towards the horizon and there they were. Twin tornadoes.

In my dream, the tornadoes were black, but they seemed to have their own halo-ish lighting around them. The entire sky was suddenly dark except for these very bright tornado lights, heading straight for us. Dream me somehow decided it would be a good idea to take a picture of them, and I exclaimed, "Let me get my camera!" and lunged towards my purse that had fallen on the ground. As I reached for it, I saw it get dragged across the grass and up into the air. I followed. The wind pulled me backwards and I was lifted completely off the ground and into the turbulent air. I was screaming G's name over and over. He was almost into the house by then and had not realized that I stopped to get my camera. It was all very dramatic.

Luckily I woke up before I actually got hurt, but it was still scary. I really hate waking up with that feeling of dread. Being scared is never the first feeling you want to have as you start your day. On a good note, however, it is Friday and the weekend is almost here. Next week my brother is coming to visit and we are going to see Dave Matthews in concert. Happy times on the horizon. No tornadoes in sight.

Nightmares Again

You would think that at some point, an adult would grow out of nightmares. I mean, aren't I supposed to be of age to help a child through the night? Or maybe you don't stop having nightmares until you actually have a child to pass them on to. There's a scary thought. I certainly don't want to pass this down to a defenseless child.

I hate nightmares. I kept waking up throughout the night, the back of my hair sweaty even though the room was cool. No matter how I positioned my body, I could not get comfortable, and when I finally was able to doze back off, the bad dreams started all over.

I can't quite remember them right now, which is probably for the best. Right now, it's more of a feeling than an image. All I know for sure is that even after a full night's sleep, I am exhausted, which is a crappy way to start your day no matter who you are. The weird thing is that G said he had dreams all night too. Maybe its our own fault for watching TV right up until bedtime? Or maybe my dreams were so potent that I made him dream it too? Is that possible? I'll have to google it. I'm sure someone has researched it.

Meanwhile I guess I should go make some coffee.

Millionaires

I have never been a millionaire. Not even close. Not even a little bit close. I read this morning that there are 10 million millionaires in the world. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? I guess it's not so much when you consider that there are 6.7 Billion people on the planet, though. CNN did the math for me and says that it is only one-fifth of one percent, which sounds quite small really in comparison.

Still, here are the things that interest me about that article:
#1. The countries that added the most millionaires over the past year are India, Brazil and China. Of those three India was the most, adding 23% more millionaires than the year before. Wow, I wonder where all this money is coming from?? My guess is that every time you call customer service and you get some Indian that you can barely understand reading to you from a sheet of fuck-you cookie-cutter answers, you are adding another dollar to the millionaire's pockets. Why the hell are we outsourcing everything to India? Isn't it enough that Indian citizens move here to America and buy up all of the hotels and gas stations to make the millions? I know they work hard, but come on already. And who do you think is making China so rich? Every freaking thing I see in the stores has a tag that says "made in China". Meanwhile, small businesses and manufacturing all across our country is going to shit. Smart move Clinton, thanks a bunch.

#2. The statement that "well, a million dollars isn't what it used to be". Not what it used to be my ass. Okay, so with inflation, a million dollars ten years ago would be worth more today, but that doesn't mean that people with a million dollars can't afford to go to the Bahamas at a moment's notice or drive a freaking BMW, so don't bring your "million dollars isn't what it used to be" sob story to me.

#3. The superrich people, defined by CNN as those with 30 million or more, are only getting richer. Their wealth, in fact, grew by 15 percent last year. That means that last year when I was lucky as hell to be making over $40,000 for the first time in my life, those people made an average of 4.5 MILLION on top of their expenses for the year. My only question is how do I get to be one of those people? I guess if I owned an oil company and raised prices on gas over and over in order to milk the middle class Americans for all their worth, that would just about do it.

Okay, rant over. Almost. I just am amazed at the truth of the old saying "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer." As well as the saying that G reminds me of all the time, "The first million is the hardest." I can't help but wonder if I will ever be in that elite club of millionaires. One great thing about America is that even with all of the problems, it's still a place where anything is possible if you work hard enough and believe in yourself.

Baghdad Bomb

**Update on this is that I received an email from L and he is doing fine. He worked with one of the guys who died, Steve, and says that he was a great person who will be missed.**

I read this story on CNN this morning and my heart stopped for a moment. Specifically when I read this part:

The embassy official said the American civilians include "a direct hire civilian employee of the Department of State and a Department of Defense civilian employee."

My ex-boyfriend L is an American civilian working at the Embassy there. I am not sure exactly who he works for, but I think he said it in an email I have somewhere.

I haven't written to him in a very long time, probably 8 months or more, but everytime I see something about violence in Baghdad, I think of him and read it to reassure myself that he is okay. But with this news, I know that it is someone who lives with him that has died. I don't even want to imagine the possibility that he has died. He may not be a part of my life anymore, but he was my first true love and I think you never really get that completely out of your system. I pray that he is safe. I am almost scared to email him for fear of no response. This stupid war sucks.

MyLot

So I have been searching around the net, looking for different ways to make money online. I haven't really found anything amazing, but last week I did find something interesting. MyLot. It's basically a forum for discussion about anything you can imagine. One person just posts a question or starts a discussion and others from the community respond or give advice. The cool thing about it is that you get paid to post.

Okay, so it's not a million dollar money maker, but you can make a few cents every time you post, which adds up over time. I have been just posting randomly when I get a spare second, and it is already up to almost a dollar. Anytime you can make $5.00 or more in a month just by posting to random discussions and meeting new people it's a good thing in my opinion. Some of the people on there claim that they make anywhere from $25 to $50 a month. They surely have to post quite a bit to make that much, but they're having fun while they do it, with no costs at all to them.

If you want to check it out, click here and sign up.

Everquest 2

I have mentioned several times before that G and I have been playing Everquest 2 for a few years. It's an MMO with its own economy and rules and adventures. I honestly never thought I would be the type of person who would enjoy playing a game online, but the truth is, it's very addictive.

My ex-husband J is the one who first introduced me to Everquest, the original one, which we played for about a year. Then, when Everquest 2 came out almost 4 years ago, I started playing it almost right away. Over the years, I met a lot of great people and started some real friendships. Most importantly, though, I met G while playing the game.

As my marriage was falling apart, I started playing EQ2 quite a bit in order to try to escape my abusive home life. G and I made a connection that stuck, and I thank God everyday for having him in my life. Over the past year since I moved in with G, we have played EQ2 and even made quite a bit of money from selling characters and game money. But after 3 1/2 years of gameplay, the time has come to really say goodbye to EQ2 and move on.

A few weeks ago we started cleaning out our accounts, selling off all of our characters and platinum. Yesterday, I sold my very last character... the one I was on the day I first met G. Overall, after our little "liquidation", we made over $1200, which is amazing. I definitely had some fun playing the game, far more than I ever thought I would, in fact, but I know it was time for a break. We both have subscriptions to Age of Conan, which is a brand new MMO that just came out a couple of months ago. Neither one of us has been playing it as much as we used to play EQ. I hope to concentrate more on my writing in the evenings and figure out better ways to bring in some extra income.

I just wanted to post about this to say that until you try something for yourself, don't judge it. I never would have known how much fun online gaming could be or how much it could honestly change my life, if I hadn't set aside the judgmental part of my personality and just decided to have fun and give it a try. You never know where your future is going to come from, and sometimes, it comes from the most unlikely of places.

Nightmare

Last night, something happened to me that I can't remember ever happening before. I had a horrible nightmare, and while that is not all that rare, I actually was so scared in my dream that I was hyperventilating. It was around 6:30 this morning and George woke me up, "Sweetie, Sweetie, are you okay?"

I was very disoriented, trying to wake up and come out of the dream, but even though I was able to break the spell the nightmare had on me, I was still groggy and barely able to open my eyes. Looking back on it now, I can still remember that feeling of horror just before he woke me up. I also know exactly what I was saying in my dream that came through as the sound of hyperventilating on this side... "seventh floor".

But what the hell does that mean? I can't quite figure out the rest of the dream. I remember dreaming at some point last night about being in a play (like Music Man or something similar) where I had a role to play and songs to sing, but I couldn't remember any of it. (Trust me, being on stage and forgetting my lines in front of the crowd is a recurring theme in my nightmares.) I also remember falling at some point, although I can't seem to connect that sensation with anything else. When I started saying "seventh floor" over and over again, I know that I was laying on the floor and being dragged against my will.

Dreams are curious things. I have dreams and nightmares that I remember from when I was growing up, as clearly as if they were last night's dream. No, more clearly, in fact. I don't know why certain dreams choose to stay with us while others float away from our consciousness the moment we awake. Others, like last night, only linger in broken pieces, haunting us. Is it significant in any way which dreams linger? I wonder.

Exciting News

When I got to Georgia, I went to see my brother D and his new wife, and I found out some exciting news. They are going to have a baby!! She is already seven weeks along now, and I even got to see the ultrasound pictures and the heartbeat of the baby. I am going to be an Aunt!

It won't be my first time as an Aunt because my sister already has a three year old, but it's still very exciting. I never in a million years thought that my little brother, who is five years younger than me, would have a child before me. Come to think of it, I never dreamed my lesbian sister, even though she's five years older, would have one either. Everyone always used to tease me that I would be the first one to have children and start a family. Somehow things didn't quite work out like that.

Now, instead, I am the divorced one with no children. Honestly, though, thank GOD I don't have any children. For one, if I had kids already, it would have to have been with my ex-husband, and he's a lunatic. I am so lucky that we did not start a family. I am also happy that I have this time with G where there are no kids yet. We can just be ourselves and play and be silly together without the responsibility of a child. I definitely would like to start a family with him someday, but it's just not the right time for me yet.

I am excited about all of the babies who will be entering my life soon though!! I am good at being an Aunt :).

Back to Georgia Again

Tomorrow I will be on the road all day again. I am heading back to Georgia to see my Dad for Father's Day. Also, I am doing a yard sale with my Mom and my new sister-in-law. My big hope for the weekend is to get down to just one storage unit in Georgia. There is just so much crap involved in a divorce. Here I am a full year later and I still have two storage buildings full of shit we collected or were given. I despise even thinking the word "we" about him anymore. I have worked so hard over the past year to sell off the pieces of the remaining "we" and to build a new "we" with my new love. It's close to the end now, I know, and I am so relieved. The truth is that I would suffer a lifetime of cleaning out storage units if that was the price I had to pay for being free to love G the way I do. He's the best thing that ever happened to me, and just in time.

Stranded in the Ocean

Did you hear about the six sailors from Texas A&M University that were stranded in the ocean after their sailboat capsized on Friday night? You can read the story on CNN. After I read that story, my first thought was sadness for the man who lost his life and how terrified he must have been. I think drowning has to be one of the most horrible ways to die simply because you know exactly what's happening. There would be no way to control the panic rising up inside.

My second thought was what must it have been like for the other five guys who were stranded out in the middle of the ocean for 24 hours? First of all, the sun shining down straight on the water, reflecting bright light at you for hours in the middle of June would be brutal. Second of all, can you imagine floating on top of miles of endless ocean in the middle of the night, knowing that at any moment, a shark could rip your leg off? I might go insane with fear.

You know that Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem, "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner"? The line "Water, Water Everywhere but not a drop to drink" comes to mind immediately and how true that must have been for them. Just think about how thirsty you would be and here would be this entire ocean of water. Salt water.

It's honestly a miracle that they were even found alive. There's no telling how far you could float in 24 hours. All I can say is that I am glad they were found. I'm sure that is an experience they will never forget.

Happiness is the key to Success

Albert Schweitzer once said:

"Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing,
you will be successful."

That sounds really nice, doesn't it? And easy. Just do something you love and you will be successful. Find happiness and success will follow. But in this day and age, where unemployment is higher than it has been in two decades and people that do have jobs are spending half of their income on gas to get to work, survival is more important than success. So where does that leave happiness?

For most people, I think happiness is a fleeting state. Something that comes and goes, but rarely lasts. Most people I know complain more than anything else, and I would say it's impossible to be truly happy if you are focusing on the negative. Don't get me wrong, I do my own fair share of negative-focusing. I do it all day long. The thing is, I'm completely sick of it. The time for pain and suffering in my life has come and gone. I survived when survival was my main goal. Now it's my time for happiness, regardless of gas prices.

And with any luck, success won't be far behind.

Slacking

I didn't mean to fall behind on my posting this week, but it's been a rough week right from the start. Last week, I finally got around to going to the doctor, which is something I have needed to do for months now. That should be good news, and I suppose it is. The bad news, though, is that she prescribed two new medications and it is taking my body a while to adjust.

For the first few days, all I felt was tired. All the time. I think that I slept 15 hours or more on Monday. Then, the past few days I have just been sick to my stomach. It's miserable. My only hope is that my body will soon get used to it and the benefits of the medicine will start to kick in. *Fingers crossed*

Today is also my third laser hair removal treatment at Sona Medspa. I am definitely happy about it, because it has been working so well. On the other hand, the actual treatment is like going through a trauma because it really hurts pretty bad and my face stays tender and a little bit swollen for a few hours.

Am I just being a baby about all of this? Am I putting too much stress on my boyfriend who has had to listen to me whine for a week about how I feel? I just hope that tomorrow I wake up and feel better.

Is Everyone Pregnant?

As if it isn't bad enough that all of Hollywood is pregnant these days... It seems that all of my friends are too. Of course, not that it's a bad thing. It just seems that pregnant women are all around me these days.

First it was Hollywood and celebrities everywhere. From Christina Aguilera to Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie... Jamie-Lynn Spears, Ashlee Simpson, Jessica Alba, and J.Lo. The celeb mags these days have been on super baby bump watch.

Then came my friends. First it was T, which was a HUGE surprise. She looks really pretty pregnant though, and I can't wait to see the baby when he comes. Then, my friend K from Charlotte found out she was preggers and is due in December. This will also be her second child. And yesterday, I got an email from K from Nashville that she just found out she is pregnant also! This is her first though, and she has been trying for some time.

I am so excited for my friends that are pregnant, believe me. I am thinking of them everyday and praying that they will be safe and have healthy babies. It just feels lately as if everyone is pregnant! I guess this starts to happen to you as you get into your thirties anyway. It makes sense that my friends are having babies.

Inevitably, it brings the baby question to my mind as well. Sometimes I wonder if I even want children at all, but then when I seriously consider never having a child, I know that I really do want one. Just not yet. They say that you can never really be "ready" for a child, but Lord knows I can be more ready than I am now. I'll at least wait until I'm married first.