It is a perfect example of how my life has been going lately to look at the topic of my last blog entry and then realize that it took me 9 days to write a new one. I figure out that in order for me to keep writing and stay on track, I need to create momentum. How do I react to that newfound knowledge? I become stagnant and stale, an object at rest. I create the opposite of momentum for myself. I don't know why it is so difficult for me to just see what I want and make it happen.
With that being said, I am writing today, which is where it has to start. A million false starts might mean nothing without momentum, but all it takes is one really great start followed by another day of writing, and another, and another to get this started for real. I know what I want from myself, and that is a great start. A lot of people never really explore what it is they want out of life, so they just go down the path we are taught we all should want. Maybe they end up happy, maybe they don't. I know that I can only find true happiness when I start becoming that person that I always wanted to be and always knew I could be.
Sometimes I think that happiness is like a puzzle. You know what the end result is supposed to look like, but the pieces are all jumbled up and chaotic. Sometimes you find a few pieces that were never completely severed, and are still stuck together. Those are freebies, like my family... pieces that add to my happiness without having to look for them. Other times, you search for a matching piece for years, when it turns out that it fell on the floor when you opened the box. When I put together a new puzzle, I like to start out by finding the four corner pieces. It always makes the whole process seem less daunting to have those four corners to outline where the rest of the puzzle will go. Then, I find the pieces with smooth edges and start to fill out the outer box of the puzzle. I never start with the inside pieces until the outside edges are all found. Maybe I should look at life this way instead of seeing it as chaos. I know that all of the pieces of my life are here, and with G, I have truly found my corner pieces, my foundation. But instead of trying to rush ahead and expecting the final picture to come forth out of the choas, I need to slow down, build my foundation and my anchors. Maybe then all the rest of the pieces will just seem to fall into place.
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