Have I lost my Mojo?

I think it's in the sequel to Austin Powers where Dr. Evil goes back in time to steal his "mojo", isn't it? On the screen, "mojo" appears to be some psychedelic liquid pulled forth from Austin's veins with a syringe. Now, I think I would have remembered someone sticking a syringe in me and extracting a funky, sparkly substance. However, I do appear, like Austin Powers, to have lost my "mojo".

When I was younger, I was basically unstoppable. I had a list of accomplishments that grew on a daily basis. I was the youngest drum major in my high school band's history. I was the first debater in my district to compete at State tournament and not lose a single round. I won first place in Girls' Solo performance at State Literary. I won piano awards, made it into honor band with the flute, sang all over the state of Georgia. I graduated Salutatorian, went to a top 20 University where I graduated with honors and was chosen to sing the Alma Mater for the close of ceremonies. I could go on and on and sing my own praises for all my years between ages 3 and 23. What happened to me after that? Maybe I lost my mojo.

I certainly started down a much rougher path at that point, but it does me no good to blame my circumstances. Since then, I have seen glimpses of the "star" I used to be, but it's been more like a witnessing of unrealized potential than a manifestation of mojo. Everything used to feel so easy. Winning was easy. All I had to do was be myself. I guess that deep inside of me, that winning girl still exists, but winning is no longer effortless like it used to be. Confidence isn't coming naturally like it used to. Actually, come to think of it, confidence probably is my mojo. You could see it in my eyes back then. I think you could probably feel it if you got near me. Confidence came so naturally.

So the only question now is how to get it back. I talked to my boyfriend about it at lunch yesterday and his solution is to become a slave driver and set a deadline for my first novella to be completed. I have until lunchtime December 13th to produce a novella. Once I have a completed work behind me, I can submit it or shelve it and move on to the next one with the confidence that I can do it. Sometimes you just need a little push from the people that love you in order to get your engine started. I am going to put my whole self into the goal of reaching this deadline and making my boyfriend proud of me. Also, making me proud of myself for a change.