The Sweetie Chronicles

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

Pouring My Heart Out

Ah, faithful blog readers, I have been keeping things from you. I have been trying to act like things are normal and that I am one hundred percent focused on writing. I have been trying to pretend that even though I'm going through some tough personal things, I can still be superwoman when it comes to churning books out. Unfortunately, it all caught up with me this week at the beach.

The week I thought would be a huge breakthrough week for me, one where I would write 40,000 words and get ahead on my book deadline, actually turned out to be one of the most emotional weeks I've had in a very long time. (and trust me when I say, that's really saying something). Since technically this is my 'writing' blog, I haven't spent much time lately talking about my personal life. I used to do that more here before I had self-published. You know, back when no one was really reading, hehe. But I have been feeling like maybe it's not right to dump my personal issues on my readers and fans. After all, you come here to learn about my books, right? Not to hear about my problems...

On the other hand, I feel like my fans are my friends. You guys are always there to support me and hear me out. You celebrate with me and you understand when I'm upset about something. So why would this be any different? So, I have decided to share something with you. I promise I won't be talking about it a lot or whining about it on here on a regular basis. I just feel that since I went out there saying I would have a huge writing week - and have so obviously failed - maybe you deserved an explanation.

So, with all that being said, here is where I pour my heart out. For a long while now, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby. There aren't even words to express how very much I would love to be a mother. Unfortunately, I have a condition called PCOS that has caused infertility and made it a very difficult journey. For the past year, I have been going through various fertility treatments, doctor appointments, medications, acupuncture, you name it. After many failed cycles, we are now preparing to start IVF (in vitro fertilization). I won't go into all the fun details there, but I'll just say that if you aren't already familiar with what this entails, it isn't the most glamorous and fun thing a woman can go through. There have been a lot of tests and appointments leading up to this and now we are just 3 short weeks away from starting injections.

For me, this will mean 3 shots a day in my upper arms, which my nurse is saying may make it difficult to type for long periods of time. Almost daily appointments. Lots of hormones and other fun stuff. I'm ready for all of this, but if you know me at all, you know I'm an extremely emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve pretty much all the time. For me, infertility has been one of the most devastating and emotionally draining experiences of my life. And my writing is, of course, very closely tied to my emotions. Lately, because I'm having so much anxiety and worry and spending so much emotional energy on IVF, I haven't had as much to dedicate to my writing.

This is where the beach trip was supposed to come in. I had planned to leave my worries at home and come to a beautiful place to just write, write, write! I've used beach trips before with great success, so I expected this to be the same. Unfortunately, this emotional rollercoaster I'm on just wasn't something I could turn off and leave behind. I would love to say that I'm superwoman and can write through anything, but it's just not the case. This is a time where I really need to be nice to myself and do my best to take my time and write when I can. I hope you, dearest readers, will understand this.

So where does this leave Rival Demons? Hopefully, nothing will change as far as my schedule. I hope to still have the book out by the end of October if I can. The rough draft is really solid and I'm truly loving this story. And believe me, I can't WAIT for you to learn some big things about Harper in this next book. I promise that I will do my best to stay on schedule and to keep writing. At the same time, though, I'm going to ask for your prayers and your support as I go through this very difficult and emotional time in my life. I wish I could keep my writing and my personal life separate, but I honestly think that if I could do that, it wouldn't make me a very good writer. I have to feel whatever it is I feel. I have to live through it and deal with it in order to come out on the other side. This isn't something everyone understands, but I'm sharing it with you, hoping that you will.

Thanks for listening to me today. I'm actually leaving the beach early. My husband is currently on his way to come get me so we can be together. He is my rock and my heart and he just gets it and grounds me and makes me better. So, the beach trip ended with just under 8,000 words. A far cry from my goal of 40,000 words, but I'm going to pat myself on the back anyway and just keep chugging along over the next few weeks until the book is finished. In a way, my books and my characters are almost like my children, hehe, and during this time, I'm so grateful to know that no matter what, I'll always have them.

16 comments:

Pacheco's September 16, 2011 at 6:13 PM  

iam so so sorry to hear about your troubles getting pregnant I have two children now my son is 5 my daughter is 1 but I had a misscariage between them and that tore my world apart then i got pregnant with my daughter and had to be in the hospital for 2 and half months the whole time i was in there we never kne wif my daughter would survive everyday she i stayed pregnant was a miracle i was supposed to have my tubes tied since i had to have a c section and they were in there anyway but my doctor said to me i would not be a good doctor if i tied ur tubes because ur daughter may not survive and even if she comes out and is ok she may not make it that really changed my life forever ! Iam happy to say my daughter is so healthy and happy although i may never be able to have another child (which breaks my heart everyday) i feel blessed to have my two babies what iam trying to say to you is HAVE FAITH AND NEVER GIVE UP CAUSE ONCE U GIVE UP ON YOURSELF IS WHEN LIFE GIVES UP ON YOU

Sonja Foust September 16, 2011 at 6:43 PM  

I'm sending you love, hugs, and positive vibes! And you're right: be nice to yourself and hold onto that man of yours!

Amanda September 16, 2011 at 6:48 PM  

I'm really sorry to hear about your infertility problems. You are not alone. I hope the treatments work for you and you have a happy, healthy baby soon. Good luck! ((hugs))
Don't let any over excited fans make you fell bad about when your getting your books out. If anyone seems too upset about any delays just look at it as a positive, that they are soooo excited to read what you have to write that they can't contain themselves. :)

Beth Caudill September 16, 2011 at 6:49 PM  

Sending lots of happy thoughts your way.

LM Preston September 16, 2011 at 7:15 PM  

This really hit home with me as I had similar problems and have a dear friend who has been trying for two years to adopt not to mention her struggles with infertility. You are in my prayers and you are an amazing person to be able to handle all of this and still write - still care about your fans.

josephrobertlewis September 16, 2011 at 7:55 PM  

Hi Sarra, long-time lurker and fellow author here sending you lots of hope and well-wishing and good luck, to you and your husband (because men need emotional support from strangers on the internet too!)

Sarra Cannon September 16, 2011 at 8:04 PM  

Thank you everyone for the outpouring of support. This was not an easy post to write, but I appreciate the support and understanding through this difficult time. It really means so much to me, and I appreciate you with all my heart.

Jammer2183 September 17, 2011 at 7:53 PM  

Sarra,

I am so sorry to hear about the hardships you are facing concerning infertility. Four years ago my sister and her husband went through this same thing, tried for over a year to get pregnant, found out they BOTH had problems that were contributing to their battle with infertility. It was a long, hard, EMOTIONAL road, not just for them as a couple but for us as a close knit family who wanted to see this amazing couple become amazing parents. Long story short, they decided on IVF, it was not an easy way to conceive, very trying on my sister and her relationship with her husband. It was a far from easy road BUT,four years later I have a BEAUTIFUL two year old niece and another on the way....this will happen for you, and in the end your child will be all the better for it because someday he or she will know just how much you wanted him/her with all that you and your husband have gone through. Good luck, your readers will be here...don't sweat the small stuff!! Take care of you, and good luck!!!

Megan Duncan September 18, 2011 at 11:06 AM  

Sending you good vibes and positive energy :)

Chaotic Girl September 19, 2011 at 12:17 AM  

Sorry to hear about your fertility troubles. I suffer from PCOS as well so I know how that road can be. I wish you all the luck in the world while trying to conceive.

As for the possibility of not writing, have you considered a speech-to-text program? Maybe like Dragon speaking naturally?

Once again, I wish you the best while undergoing your procedures.

Megg Jensen September 21, 2011 at 2:34 PM  

You know I've got your back Sarra! Do what you've gotta do and we'll be here when you're ready. :D

Marcia Colette September 26, 2011 at 10:11 PM  

I'm chiming in a little late, but know that I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

This might sound corny, but one thing that helped me get through my rounds of artificial insemination was the Mommy Mission mural on had on my bedroom wall. It consisted of baby pics surrounding the silhouette of a pregnant woman. I don't know if it worked, but it certainly helped me focus...and I have a beautiful 22-month-old blessing who also has a purse fetish. She must have gotten that from her father. ;-)

Trisha Wolfe September 27, 2011 at 2:03 PM  

I just marked your first book to-read as I've heard so many wonderful things about it. I can only say, that even though I don't know you personally, I feel your pain, and am sending you prayers and thoughts. Take care of yourself first. As authors, we have to continue to remind ourselves of this. I'm wishing you luck in both writing and conceiving. Trust me. I know the pain in this. Best wishes, a future fan.

Suzanne Warr October 4, 2011 at 11:38 PM  

I'm jumping in late, having been a bit swamped with my own life of late, but I wanted to tell you how proud of you I am, and how much I admire your spunk, spirit, and wisdom. We writers have to re-fill the creative well, and I'm glad to know you realize that. It's also super important to give yourself emotional space to deal with life as you're living it. How else will you come up with the creative material of tomorrow?

Bravo on being brave, and honest, and best of luck over the next weeks! I hope we'll be hearing great news one day soon!!!

Melissa October 15, 2011 at 9:34 PM  

I'm praying for you both!! I know things will work out in the end. :) the story can wait as long as needed because I want to see you preggo!! ;) anyways I love you two and will be sending prayers with blessings your way as long as needed! Xoxox!!!

Shelli (srjohannes) October 30, 2011 at 11:23 PM  

Ill be thinking about you :)

Sarra Cannon

Young Adult Indie Author

I always secretly wanted to be a cheerleader. And a witch. Now, I write about both. The first five novels in my Peachville High Demons Young Adult Paranormal series are available now in ebook!

Sarra's Works in Progress

Followers

Sarra's bookshelf: sarra-s-favorites

Beautiful DemonsThe Time Traveler's WifeLoveroot: PoemsFear of FlyingWe the LivingAnthem

More of Sarra's books »
Sarra Cannon's sarra-s-favorites book recommendations, reviews, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists